


Sensing You

by stupidnephilimlove



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 5+1, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Episode: s03e21 Alliance, M/M, Magnus Bane in Edom, Malec Secret Santa 2019, Pining, only a slight tweak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:40:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21838360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidnephilimlove/pseuds/stupidnephilimlove
Summary: It starts from there. From the memories he tries not to think of. It grows slowly, creeping up on him until he comes to realise that he can't trust his own senses. Is it his own mind playing tricks on him? Or is it Lilith?The five times Magnus allows himself to hope Alexander is there in Edom with him, and the one time Alec actually is.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 12
Kudos: 211
Collections: The Malec Secret Santa - Edition 2019





	Sensing You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bruit_of_buss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bruit_of_buss/gifts).



Magnus counts the first few days, works them back to the time on earth, and allows himself to mentally follow the routines of those he loves. Alec. Catarina. Madzie. Raphael. Clary. Isabelle. It's torture. Self-inflicted. And though it hurts to not think of them almost as much as it does _to_ think of them, he pushes everything from his mind but Edom.

Time is endless in a place like Edom, and Magnus, having lived centuries already, has more of an understanding of how long eternity will be. It stretches infinitely in front of him, with the despair of a loneliness he hasn't felt in years. Not that Magnus plans to spend eternity here. With time (something he's not short on), there's no doubt in his mind that he'll find a way to repair the rift. But he's unsure it will be soon enough to see half of his family and friend's faces again.

Alexander's face.

The sharp angles of it. The quirk of an eyebrow. The crooked smile and loving gaze.

It starts from there. From the memories he tries not to think of. It grows slowly, creeping up on him until he comes to realise that he can't trust his own senses. Is it his own mind playing tricks on him? Or is it Lilith?

Even in Lilith's weakened state, Magnus wouldn't put it past her to play this kind of cruel trick on him.

1.

_"Magnus."_

The word echoes around the chamber. Softly spoken. Barely a whisper. Adoration in each syllable. And the cadence of it belongs to Alexander.

_Alexander._

Magnus' eyes hastily scour the room, but the sound dies out, silence falling. And the man the voice belongs to isn't here. The hope that has sprung to life in Magnus' chest crumbles. He made the choice - though for Magnus there was no other choice - knowing it would be difficult, but the reality of the situation is far worse.

Desolately, Magnus sinks to his chair. Alone.

2.

Magnus spends hours looking through the small squares of the windows, out at the wilds of Edom. His eyes linger on the horizon, learning the intricate ways the air stirs the earth until the ground and sky are one, horizon blurred.

He rubs at an eye, weary in a way that has nothing to do with sleep. And he sees it... a figure.

Tall. Rangey. Dark hair. Pale skin. Clad in black.

Magnus' heart leaps in his chest. He watches a moment longer and a swirl of wind blurs the edges of the figure, morphing it, before revealing its true form: an outbreak of rock. It's just his eyes playing tricks on him and, while Magnus' heart aches, it strengthens his resolve. He'll keep Alexander and their friends and family safe for as long as he has to.

3.

Magnus works his mind to exhaustion in the hope that he won't dream. But he sleeps fitfully; the dreams he doesn't allow himself to consider in consciousness finally able to plague him.

He wakes slowly to the feel of gentle fingers against his cheek. There's a roughness to the pads as they learn his skin, and Magnus keeps his eyes closed, savouring the touch. It's a caress he knows: Alexander's.

With a hope he hasn't felt in a while, Magnus' eyes slide open, and as they do the touch softens, is barely there, before fading completely.

There's only Magnus here, no matter how real it felt. And though Magnus would give almost anything to have another moment with Alec, the price could never be worth it.

4.

Frustrated when his latest idea for repairing the rift hits a dead end, Magnus decides to take a stroll. Better to walk it off than stew, which is something he excels at. It doesn't work. With every step, his annoyance with himself grows. He knows there's a way to fix this. There must be. There _has_ to be.

Petulantly, he lashes out with his magic, dust swirling around him. It's not the expected stench of sulphur that assaults him. There's the sweetness of the beeswax used on the string of a bow. It almost chokes him as he uses his magic to still the air, the dust falling back to the ground.

He tries to hold on to the scent, but as the last speck settles, the sulphur returns.

Though his mind tells him Alec isn't here, Magnus can't stop the yearning of his heart. Even so, he turns, eyes checking all around him, but there's only the open expanse and not another person in sight.

His frustration is gone, and in its place is a longing that Magnus knows will never be satisfied.

5.

There's cruelty to his self-imposed exile. A cruelty that Magnus has become familiar within his lifetime. The joyous moment of realising he hadn't lost Alec, of overcoming his father, was twinned with the reality of walking away from his life in order to save the rest of the people in it.

Would it be easier, Magnus wonders, to be faced with spending eternity here without learning that truth? To be unaware of what he could have had?

His moods are tempestuous and, feeling self-indulgent and particularly downtrodden, Magnus conjures himself a drink with little thought. He takes the first sip, eyes sliding closed, and he's instantly somewhere else.

Sunlight pours through the wide, open windows, warming his skin. As does the phantom press of lips against his. There's the taste of coffee on his tongue, mixed with the mint of Alec's toothpaste.

It's a strange taste to crave and the hit of it has him almost certain the taste is from Alexander himself. He envisions reaching out a hand to pull Alec back for another kiss. But when his eyes open, the light is dulled by the reddish glow of a burning sky, and there's only Magnus, mug in hand. Magnus throws it to the floor in disgust and tries to extinguish the newest flame of hope.

Not too long ago, he stood on a rooftop ready to destroy the memories of the man he loves, and in these darkest moments of despair, a part of him wishes he had.

+1

Magnus gazes out of the window. There's a beauty to this place, even with the malevolent forces it houses. There's something about the barren landscape. The emptiness. It's not unlike his recent self.

With every moment that passes, Lilith grows stronger, and Magnus wonders if he has the strength to hold the rift together and fight her off. His magic is strong. He's strong. He's fighting for his family, for his world. But he worries about the risk if he falls.

"Magnus! Magnus!"

The rough timbre of a familiar voice interrupts his thoughts and Magnus turns before he can stop himself. Unlike every other time he's heard that voice, the owner of it stands in front of him.

"Alexander," Magnus utters in disbelief, not even aware he speaks the word aloud.

There's too much space, too much ground to cover, and he needs to touch, needs to hold on for as long as this illusion lasts.

Wrapping his arms around Alec, Magnus half expects his fingers to slide through Alec, but his body moulds itself to Alec's. _Warm. Here. His._ He pulls Alec close, feels strong arms grip him tight, and he breathes Alec in. The mix of his own sandalwood shampoo and beeswax assault him. It's so vivid.

_Can this be real?_

"I thought I'd never see you again," Magnus admits.

Pulling back, his eyes search Alec's, still expecting the man in front of him to fade into nothing.

Their faces are close, Magnus' fingers caressing the hair at the nape of Alec's neck and he leans in, lips pressing against Alec's. The taste is like coming home, and even as it soothes the places that have ached since he made his choice to come here, there's a niggle of doubt that he can't yet let go of.

"I told you... it's only Edom," Alec says when they break apart. "And we weren't gonna let you fight Lilith alone."

"We?"

It's only then that Magnus notices Lorenzo, and with his senses still coming to terms with the reality of Alexander, the last bit of doubt is gone. He could never dream up that Lorenzo would come to his aid. Especially in Edom of all places.

"I'm simply doing what any high warlock would do," Lorenzo says, but Magnus only half hears the words.

His attention falls back on Alec, and he almost daren't ask the question, but he knows he has to.

"If we succeed, then what?"

Magnus doesn't think he can take losing Alec all over again.

"Then I stay here," Alec says. "With you... I'm never leaving you again."

Magnus takes a steady breath, almost overcome. It doesn't matter what Lilith's plans are. Doesn't matter what they're up against. With a joy that burns so brightly inside of him, Magnus knows they can take on anything.

_It's only Edom._

Yes. And it's only Lilith.


End file.
